So I’m back from retreat exhausted but pleasantly surprised that I’m peaceful despite the looming midterm on Tuesday afternoon. I can’t believe how much God can do in 1.5 days. He truly is faithful and meets us where we’re at. I made new friends this week and got closer to older friends. God has a way of transforming lives at retreats.
First off. I left later than everyone else because I was picking up some newcomers that didn’t have rides but I had to leave 2 hours later. I was not happy at first but then I got to go home and take a nap, so it worked out. I felt the enemy trying to ruin my retreat from the very start. When we arrived, all of the dorm beds were taken so I had to drive down the hill to the cabins but then I liked the cabins better because it smelled weird in the dorms.
God spoke to me during Saturday night worship about giving it all, which included my false humility. I try to let others lead and be the front person, but God has called me to be a leader this school year – to step up and take that leadership position He has for me. This can be really unsettling and/or really scary because I don’t always feel qualified to step up, but God is calling me higher. He is wanting to put me on display and I can’t shy away from the light.
Through Jeremy Anderson’s message on Saturday night, I was encouraged to step out more in evangelism – talking about Him in my everyday conversation. More fears and doubts were being handed over to God. I got to pray with some other people and I definitely felt God’s presence working.
The testimonies from this week are so amazing, so God. I’m so grateful to God for all He’s done and all He’s doing. I got to lead worship with Zach this morning it was good. We didn’t have a lot of practice time, but God’s presence was there because people were hungry and seeking after His presence.
Is it 2009? Wow. Time flies. I was just at a retreat with a few hundred college students from the western US and I am amazed at God’s faithfulness and mercy. His love is truly amazing and life-changing. The way that He draws His children to Himself is irresistible.
All of the messages were really good, but one message was about getting rid of your junk. If any of you really know me, you’d know that I’m a packrat. I don’t like throwing anything away esp clothes, because the time comes that just after I give it away, I end up needing it for something. It always happens to me but it’s okay, I’m learning to get rid of my junk. I tend to hold on to things that I don’t need to hold on to anymore. I realized that I’d been hanging on to past relationships and I needed to let go of it all. I needed to truly move on and not allow those thoughts and entanglements to dominate my thoughts. There were things that I secretly held on to that no one else really knew except God. I gave it all to Him because He is the one in control. It was a very freeing experience. I’m so grateful that God cares enough. He cares about the little things that we care about. I don’t deserve Him.
That same night, I realized that I couldn’t just live the way I’ve been living. I’ve become complacent in my relationship with God where I thought I was okay with where I was at. I realized that I can’t live this way anymore. I had been satisfied where I was at but something just was stirred up inside me and I couldn’t NOT seek God. During the prayer/altar time, I went to the back of the room and just sat in God’s presence and cried out to God. I needed to re-surrender my life. I couldn’t live in the complacency I’d been living in. It wasn’t enough to live that way. I needed God for everything and didn’t want to be numb anymore. I didn’t want to be so critical and self-righteous about everything. I was sick of my religiousness and wanted God to change me to become more like Him – to yearn for His presence the way that He loves me. I wanted to fall in love with Him again. I wanted His heart for Davis. My love is imperfect but His love is made perfect in my weakness. God did some restoration in my life and I’m so grateful to Him.
I painted this after the conference. At the conference I sat back and listened to the worship. I saw the worship like a whirlwind being swept up to the heavens and God’s pleasure was shining through. As the fragrance of worship was being swept up to heaven, the weight of God’s love was being poured down on each of the students. It was so beautiful that I wanted to try to get something down on paper last night at DCF large group. It’s not nearly what I saw, but it’s an abstract representation of what I saw. Blues, Greens, Purples, Pinks, and Yellows (btw I used oil pastels). The last color I used was actually gold which I thought was fitting because GOLD is representative of kingship.
Thank You for saving me
Thank You for never leaving me
I cannot hide my love
I cannot deny my heart’s desire
I want You, I need You
I can’t live without You
You are my heart’s desire
You are the Lover of my soul
I cannot be without You
You hold me in the palm of Your hand
You restore my soul
I trust in You
I will follow You
Through every storm
Through every valley
I will trust in You
Jehovah-Jireh, My Provider
You are EVERYTHING
How I love You
How You love me
Can’t get enough of You
Can’t get enough