So I’m back from retreat exhausted but pleasantly surprised that I’m peaceful despite the looming midterm on Tuesday afternoon. I can’t believe how much God can do in 1.5 days. He truly is faithful and meets us where we’re at. I made new friends this week and got closer to older friends. God has a way of transforming lives at retreats.
First off. I left later than everyone else because I was picking up some newcomers that didn’t have rides but I had to leave 2 hours later. I was not happy at first but then I got to go home and take a nap, so it worked out. I felt the enemy trying to ruin my retreat from the very start. When we arrived, all of the dorm beds were taken so I had to drive down the hill to the cabins but then I liked the cabins better because it smelled weird in the dorms.
God spoke to me during Saturday night worship about giving it all, which included my false humility. I try to let others lead and be the front person, but God has called me to be a leader this school year – to step up and take that leadership position He has for me. This can be really unsettling and/or really scary because I don’t always feel qualified to step up, but God is calling me higher. He is wanting to put me on display and I can’t shy away from the light.
Through Jeremy Anderson’s message on Saturday night, I was encouraged to step out more in evangelism – talking about Him in my everyday conversation. More fears and doubts were being handed over to God. I got to pray with some other people and I definitely felt God’s presence working.
The testimonies from this week are so amazing, so God. I’m so grateful to God for all He’s done and all He’s doing. I got to lead worship with Zach this morning it was good. We didn’t have a lot of practice time, but God’s presence was there because people were hungry and seeking after His presence.
I can’t tell you how much I’ve missed playing on a worship team. It’s always an experience! I’m fascinated by the dynamics of each team which are different. I believe that everyone has a different way that they express worship to God. We need each other’s expression and when we come together to worship, watch out! I got to play with DCF in the large group and in my core group. I just recently played for Davis Christian Assembly, which was a whole other experience.
The way each person worships is unique. And God is forever faithful to show up when we make room for Him to move.
Recently, I had a vision of how much God the Father loves us. I saw this young boy who was dirty from playtime (as boys seem to be). He runs up to his father who has open arms. The father doesn’t tell the son to clean up first. He doesn’t shrink away from his son. The father welcomes the son’s hugs and the son just wants to tell his father about his day. God the Father wants to welcome us into His arms, but many times we feel we are too dirty and must be perfect and holy before we can embrace Him. God the Father loves us – He is not going to turn away from us. Jesus’ blood cleanses us – not us – not me!
You took all my hurt
You took all my pain
You washed it all away
You took all my guilt
You took all my shame
You washed it all away
By Your blood
By the blood of the Lamb
You washed it all away
Now I’m free to know this joy
Now I’m free to know this love
Now I’m free, I’m free
I know that it’s in my nature to be indecisive, so I try to put things on the back burner and just sorta hide them away from my subconscious mind. I had to make a decision that I’ve been putting off because I didn’t want to upset anyone and didn’t want to limit myself. I don’t know if that’s the right thing to call it, but I’ve decided on which Christian fellowship I’m going to be a part of. I’m gonna stay with Davis Christian Fellowship, part of Chi Alpha. I have one last InterVarsity meeting and Bible study, then I’ll be going to DCF full time. It’s bittersweet, but I know that God will honor my choice. He didn’t care which one I chose, but He wanted me to choose one. I needed to make a decision. Making decisions is hard. It’s a part of growing up that I can’t seem to get a hang of. I always find myself not knowing what to choose.
However, I am glad that I have the choice. God gives us free will. We were not created as robots, who just do what we’re told or made to do. God loves us so much that He gives us a CHOICE. We get to decide who we will live our lives for. I can’t explain how awesome this is. His amazing love overwhelms me.
Although making choices is difficult, the more important thing is living with the consequences of your actions.