I know that it’s in my nature to be indecisive, so I try to put things on the back burner and just sorta hide them away from my subconscious mind. I had to make a decision that I’ve been putting off because I didn’t want to upset anyone and didn’t want to limit myself. I don’t know if that’s the right thing to call it, but I’ve decided on which Christian fellowship I’m going to be a part of. I’m gonna stay with Davis Christian Fellowship, part of Chi Alpha. I have one last InterVarsity meeting and Bible study, then I’ll be going to DCF full time. It’s bittersweet, but I know that God will honor my choice. He didn’t care which one I chose, but He wanted me to choose one. I needed to make a decision. Making decisions is hard. It’s a part of growing up that I can’t seem to get a hang of. I always find myself not knowing what to choose.
However, I am glad that I have the choice. God gives us free will. We were not created as robots, who just do what we’re told or made to do. God loves us so much that He gives us a CHOICE. We get to decide who we will live our lives for. I can’t explain how awesome this is. His amazing love overwhelms me.
Although making choices is difficult, the more important thing is living with the consequences of your actions.
Is it 2009? Wow. Time flies. I was just at a retreat with a few hundred college students from the western US and I am amazed at God’s faithfulness and mercy. His love is truly amazing and life-changing. The way that He draws His children to Himself is irresistible.
All of the messages were really good, but one message was about getting rid of your junk. If any of you really know me, you’d know that I’m a packrat. I don’t like throwing anything away esp clothes, because the time comes that just after I give it away, I end up needing it for something. It always happens to me but it’s okay, I’m learning to get rid of my junk. I tend to hold on to things that I don’t need to hold on to anymore. I realized that I’d been hanging on to past relationships and I needed to let go of it all. I needed to truly move on and not allow those thoughts and entanglements to dominate my thoughts. There were things that I secretly held on to that no one else really knew except God. I gave it all to Him because He is the one in control. It was a very freeing experience. I’m so grateful that God cares enough. He cares about the little things that we care about. I don’t deserve Him.
That same night, I realized that I couldn’t just live the way I’ve been living. I’ve become complacent in my relationship with God where I thought I was okay with where I was at. I realized that I can’t live this way anymore. I had been satisfied where I was at but something just was stirred up inside me and I couldn’t NOT seek God. During the prayer/altar time, I went to the back of the room and just sat in God’s presence and cried out to God. I needed to re-surrender my life. I couldn’t live in the complacency I’d been living in. It wasn’t enough to live that way. I needed God for everything and didn’t want to be numb anymore. I didn’t want to be so critical and self-righteous about everything. I was sick of my religiousness and wanted God to change me to become more like Him – to yearn for His presence the way that He loves me. I wanted to fall in love with Him again. I wanted His heart for Davis. My love is imperfect but His love is made perfect in my weakness. God did some restoration in my life and I’m so grateful to Him.
I painted this after the conference. At the conference I sat back and listened to the worship. I saw the worship like a whirlwind being swept up to the heavens and God’s pleasure was shining through. As the fragrance of worship was being swept up to heaven, the weight of God’s love was being poured down on each of the students. It was so beautiful that I wanted to try to get something down on paper last night at DCF large group. It’s not nearly what I saw, but it’s an abstract representation of what I saw. Blues, Greens, Purples, Pinks, and Yellows (btw I used oil pastels). The last color I used was actually gold which I thought was fitting because GOLD is representative of kingship.
Thank You for saving me
Thank You for never leaving me
I cannot hide my love
I cannot deny my heart’s desire
I want You, I need You
I can’t live without You
You are my heart’s desire
You are the Lover of my soul
I cannot be without You
You hold me in the palm of Your hand
You restore my soul
I trust in You
I will follow You
Through every storm
Through every valley
I will trust in You
Jehovah-Jireh, My Provider
You are EVERYTHING
How I love You
How You love me
Can’t get enough of You
Can’t get enough
Well, I know it’s a little late to be writing this but I just need to dive in anyway. I think one of the most impacting things was seeing 3700 students on fire for Jesus with His heart for missions. That was definitely a sight to see – to know that there are others living radical Christian lives who are college students like me. I know I’m not alone, but it’s still nice to be encouraged from across the country. BTW the Cincinnati airport is actually in Kentucky so I’ve now been to Ohio and Kentucky. 😉
I was really encouraged and challenged by the different messages and loved the windows to the world and different breakouts. I loved interacting with missionaries on a one-to-one basis during the meal times. I learned a lot and I found new friends. I really liked the international choir because they sang songs in different languages which is one thing that I really enjoy. God speaks every language – His love is the universal language and His presence is the same wherever you go.
I already know that I’m called to China but seeing all of the different countries and the need makes me what to go everywhere. I know that just because I see a need, doesn’t mean I have to fill it, but I would love to travel all over before I’m dead.
I committed to serve at least one year and intend to fulfill that commitment. I plan to teach in China this summer if everything works out which would be really cool and really God. 😉
I’m definitely excited about all God is doing and I can’t wait to see all that He has done in me – most of the time you can’t see what He’s doing deep inside.
I guess that’s it for now. It was an amazing experience. Yay God!
Lord, I want to serve You in anyway that I can.
Take away any fear because that’s not from You.
Take me in Your arms.
I just want to be with You.
I want my life to be a testimony of Your LOVE and GRACE.
Let me be a LIGHT.